Sucks at Fist Fights

fistfights

Poor Carlo, he never could take a hit.

For old time's sake, i figured I'd take the liberty of blogging, it has been month you know. (Though nobody ever really reads this) But if anyone did, they should be happy to know this.. UMITIM NAKO! YEAAAH! And they said staying under the sun will bring you nothing good. ASA! Now, I'm only a semi-albino-looking shrew. Isnt that great?

I told Carlo (for the billionth time), that I might not know how to play a lot of sports (a sad fact), but I defenitely know how to kick and aim a soccer ball. And to let everyone know, I have good aim. And maybe four hours under the blazing heat of the sun was overdoing it..for Carlo. Not only did i break something, but I also managed to get him dehydrated. Bravo, Carlo. You pass out gracefully that people expect. But its not my fault if he provoked me to play soccer. I'm the innocent guy who just happened to pass by during lunch and gets mocked, the same guy who got invited to play, and the same innocent guy who kicked Carlo and Miguel's asses. Maybe its the ego boost, (or maybe its because my new tan makes me look like a real human being now) but "Man I feel dangerous!"

I enjoy these things. I probably take them for granted too much. But seeing as everything's been changing, I figured should give importance despite my vague plans for the future. I was never good at planning anyway. Society dictates that I shouldnt really care a bout how friends come and go as if you were only there to fill up the slots in their barkada. Society dictates that I shouldnt, but then again I already am a freak of nature, why start pleasing society now? Yes, it is awkward now to pass by friends and greeting each other with just a nod. In the end you're left with two to three people who are actually loyal enough to actually hang out with you. And at home, you got family.

For a guy, that is saa-ad.

There hasnt been much meaning in anything since we've broken up. Well, according to her, we werent together to begin with. But since I have the liberty now to say things freely, I can get emo when i want. I swear, it gets very hard to distract myself these days. i always end up thinking that i am trying to distract myself. Actually, trying too hard would be better said. I didnt put up the events that happened in that last phonecall eventhough i remember ever line uttered from that conversation. But I will say that after putting down that phone, I rolled over and closed my eyes -- but I couldnt sleep. I read Anne Rice -- still nothing. I took my Physics book, which I was pretty sure would do the trick -- but to no avail. Wow, I really suck as a person, I concluded. It wasnt that I was being all pathetic about it, I was actually angry. I dont know who or what, but I was angry at something for sure.

For the record, after all this time I still cant figure her out. Even at that last time, I couldnt read her. Now, four days (and counting) after the event, I'm really really really really really really... [continued].... really bored. It sucks that i feel this way now that UPCAT is near. I cant tell on whether I should just blow off studying and mourn or not -- I know, its an illogical set of choices but that's how it feels.

I read her blog though, she said she had to give way for other things, including people. How generous. But I'm selfish and I can be an immature asshole about it if I want to. I never ever want to set myself up for dissappointment. To think that I actually thought I could changer her -- wrong! She changed me. And now, I regret getting scared of changed. I regret getting scared at all. How pathetic. I doubt that she has her regrets too. She was smart enough to make disclamers about this not-anymore-relationship before it all crashed and burned. I was dumb enough to think she was joking. She is cruel and I absolutely despise her now.

I do.

I really hate.

really.